Isn’t amazing how many things you tell yourself you won’t do when you become a parent?

I often made notes of other parents around me doing some pretty crazy things to get their kids to behave, or how they raised their children, and I sat in judgement saying “That may work for them, but I would NEVER do that”.

First of all, shame on me for judging anyone! Especially other parents before I became one myself. My childless-self had no idea what was in store for me, and the lengths I would go to once I became “Mom”.

Although these parenting rules that I’ve broken aren’t set in stone, they are widely criticized behaviours that I myself know are not good for setting an example for my child.

Now that I’m being open with what I have been doing wrong, feel free to remind me (public shaming is allowed – I welcome it) the next time you see me giving in to these tempting pacifiers.

1. Bribery

Oh, the things I have offered for good behaviour! I am not sure how many times I have said the words “if you are good, you can have…”. It’s horrible. I always said I would never be one of those parents who would bribe their kid into good behaviour, but wow it works! My son happily does whatever I ask in exchange for food or toys. What am I to do?

Ok well I know what I should be doing, but it’s a lot easier sometimes to offer some Goldfish in exchange for a play date that includes sharing and politeness. What I really need to start doing is reinforcing the good behaviour with praise, but I’ve probably backed myself into a corner with a new Superman toy in one hand, and an apple juice drink box in the other.

2. Making Excuses for Bad Behaviour

It’s like the excuses just pop out of my mouth before I can even think about stopping myself.

My son is having a temper tantrum and acting like an absolute crazy person, and before anyone can have a reaction I hear myself saying “Well he didn’t have his nap yet today…”.

The best is when I say “he’s not normally like this!”. I can practically hear people thinking “Yeah right!”. But it’s true, sometimes my son will do something I have never seen before, and he seems to wait to do these things when he has an audience. There I stand looking for a way to explain his unexplainable behavior.

I think it’s more a defence mechanism to explain that he is an awesome, outstanding, one-of-a-kind loveable kid who sometimes throws temper tantrums. I think moving forward I really need to stop making excuses to explain his behaviour. The unexpected comes with the territory when it comes to toddlers, so hopefully everyone else can be understanding.

3. Spoiling

I have been very sensitive to this one since my son is an only child. I have heard many times from friends and family that an only child is a spoiled one. My response is always that we will have to watch we don’t spoil him. Insert polite smile here.

I do really try not to spoil my son, but when he says something like he really wishes he had a frog because frogs are his favourite and they make him happy, it’s hard not to purchase said frog.

This one is a really fine line for me. I want him to have things that make him happy, but when is it too much? It’s hard to determine sometimes, so I’m really trying to watch myself.

4. Social Media Overload

I am not a horrible offender of this one, but I know I am on the edge of annoying people. My Facebook is littered with photos of my son. So is my Instagram account. I’m writing about him right now on my blog.

I think to myself how absolutely adorable he looks in a photo, and I seem to have no other option than to post it. But is it really that cute to everone else? Probably not.

I try to keep my oversharing on social media to a minimum, but at least I have been able to avoid posting bathtub and potty pics. Yes that is a definite over share.

5. Relying on Technology

Sometimes when we are out to dinner and things take a turn for the terrible, I give my son my cell phone to play with. When I need to get things done around the house and want my son to stay occupied, I grab the iPad and let him play with his favourite Apps. What exactly did parents do before cell phones and iPads? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t involve distracting them with toddler video games. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking the easy way out.

Overall I’m pretty sure these rules I am breaking will have some effect on my toddlers behaviour, so it’s in my best interest to try and halt some of what I am doing. I think at some point he will get smarter than me and hold me hostage with a similar kind of bribery or distraction. In the end I really just want what is best for him, so I’ll have to stop taking the easy way out and put a little more work in. I think I’m just going to use that iPad a little but longer until I have enough time to wash my floors.

I think New Year’s Resolutions are meant to be broken if the aren’t well thought out.

Most people seem to break their resolutions early into the year even if they have good intentions. Last year was my first year EVER where I could honestly say I fulfilled all of my resolutions. I took a few days to come up with three that were important to me that I would fulfill. These weren’t the kind of resolutions you share at a New Year’s Eve party before midnight – those are the kind I try to avoid. These ones were personal, and hard to share with others so they understood why I set them. I am by far no expert at setting resolutions, but here are some tips that were successful for me!

1. Set Specific Goals

Saying “I want to lose weight this year”, or “I want to go to the gym more this year”, are easy resolutions to break because they are not specific. How many times a week will you go to they gym? If you go once a month is that enough to fulfill the resolution? Is losing 5 lbs at one point in the year enough to say you were successful?

Using measurable goals will motivate you more to attain them! There is more of a chance you will fulfill a resolution where you specifically say something like “I will go to the gym 3 times per week for the year”, because if you go once or twice a week (or not at all) then you know you are not reaching your goal. Hopefully there will be some guilt associated with you not fulfilling you end of the deal.

2. Write Your Resolutions Down

Having a visual will remind you to keep up with your resolutions when you wander off track. I had a horrible job once that I just loathed, and someone suggested to me that I write down on a piece of paper “It’s just a job” and hang it somewhere in my office (don’t worry – I worked from home!) to remind me that there was so much more to life than what I was doing for work. This silly piece of paper had this crazy calming effect that would wash over me every time I read it. Speaking it is one thing, but the visual gave me something to focus on.

Writing my resolutions down really inspired me to fulfill what I had set out to do. I wrote them down in my day planner which I looked at every day, and on the days my mind was elsewhere I would inadvertently look at that page and get back on track.

3. Think About Keeping Your Resolutions To Yourself

Sometimes it’s a good idea to keep personal things to yourself. If you are positive this is a resolution you want people to know about, and you know you can achieve it then sharing shouldn’t be a problem. If you are worried you can’t fulfill your end of the deal, it may be a good idea not to Tweet your list of resolutions!

The things I work the hardest at to achieve just seem to be a personal struggle that I’m not ready to share until it flops or becomes a success. I’m a little superstitious when it comes to my personal goals. I feel like if I go ahead and say “I just had the most amazing interview and I’m sure I’m going to get the job!”, then I’ve jinxed myself and have no shot. I feel like the same goes for resolutions – over sharing what you think you will do can backfire. For some people being vocal could push them more to achieve. If that’s you than go for it! I am absolutely not one of those people.

4. Be Realistic. Seriously.

Don’t set yourself up for failure before the year even starts. This seems like a simple one, but in my previous resolutions that were less successful it seems like I picked things that were totally unattainable. Start small! Choose something that you have to work at to attain, but not so hard you are going to be bummed you didn’t make it.

5. Track Your Progress and Celebrate Your Successes

After I had my son I had a pretty specific goal to lose the exact amount of weight I had gained while pregnant. Along the way I used a great App called My Fitness Pal that tracked my progress during my journey. When I reached milestones I usually celebrated with a cheeseburger, but that was celebration enough for me!

Tracking your progress along the way can help you determine how you made it to that point, and what you did right to get there.

Good luck with your resolutions, and have a Happy new Year!