Parenting with a Bruised Ego and Hurt Feelings

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I’m always proud of being one of my sons favourite people. When he’s happy, hurt, sad, or scared I’m usually requested immediately. I have to admit, it feels really good!

What I didn’t expect were the moments when my presence wouldn’t be requested, or sometimes actually banished all together.

I tend to be the disciplinarian between my husband and I, which also means he may see me as the bad guy. My husband disciplines our son as well, but somehow it ends up falling mostly on my shoulders. I think my son is starting to see this, and he’s learning that his Dad is more fun than I am.

It makes me a bit sad that he is running to his Dad whenever I discipline him. His Dad is doing a great job of following up with everything I am teaching our son, but still it’s a little more lonely than I thought it would be being the bad guy.

Now that our son is talking more, he is expressing himself and how he feels, and sometimes that is hard to take as well! I know he is still trying to form his words so things can easily be misinterpreted, but sometimes he is clear as clear can be with how he feels.

Every day I ask him if he misses me after being at school. Nine times out of ten he says “Yes Mommy I missed you!”, but last week he said “No Mommy, I didn’t miss you”. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it kind of hurt my feelings! To be fair I set myself up for that one by asking, and even though it was harmless it hurt a little.

My son has also be very clingy with my husband lately which has been a strange scenario since he usually clings to me a bit. I have been feeling really left out! When we get home he will run to his Dad and say “Daddy let’s cuddle!”, and he drags him to the couch. I ask if I can join them and my son will say “No Mommy, just London and Daddy”. It’s not a big deal really, but it hurts my feelings a bit.

It’s been the same situation with grandparents and friends – my son seems more excited to see everyone else but me. It makes me appreciate it so much more when he does want all of my attention. I’m ready to drop everything and and do whatever he wants!

I’m really trying not to take things so personally, but it’s hard. I try to take the emotional hit, and just move on with life. I’m sure it’s all just another phase (how many phases do we need to go through before he turns 18?), and as long as he’s happy that’s all that matters. BUT if this lasts too long, I may have to resort to sabotage and bribery to gain my rightful place back as his favourite person!

All joking aside, I don’t actually know what the right thing to do is in this situation. The one thing I do know is that I need to be sure I’m not making concessions so my son favours me more, and I need to stay strong with the rules and lessons we want to teach him.

 

 

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3 Comments

  1. Debbie
    January 21, 2015 / 5:27 am

    My son is a few years older than yours, but I can tell you we have been through the same exact scenarios!! For us, age 3 was the toughest year! That was the year Aaron began talking a lot more and becoming very opinionated and defiant. Aaron would often and still continues to tell me he misses Daddy more, but sometimes he’ll say that he only misses me. All of it is to get a reaction out of somebody. It is hard to not take it personally. Right now, Aaron and his dad do a lot of “dude” stuff together, but I don’t feel left out. I’m not into motorcycles like they are, and I’m grateful that they enjoy their guy time together. Hang in there, Mommy!

  2. January 21, 2015 / 3:12 pm

    My son did the same thing. I thought little girls were moody, but I think little boys can be the same way. He always loved to play with his daddy and he depended on me with all the “work” items. He’s 35 now and as he grew out of those teenager years, things were so much different and fun. But I still really miss those little years

  3. January 21, 2015 / 4:43 pm

    This is something I have yet to experience but I know is on the cusp. I too, am like you, big bad mom lol. It’s ok though we love them enough to guide them in the right direction. Pinned this!!

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