Once I had my son there was a brand new father to celebrate on Father’s Day – my husband! This sort of created a bit of a conundrum for us on the holiday. We had my father, my husband’s father, and now my husband all sharing a holiday. Who’s day was it really to celebrate with?
I used to have an easier time on this holiday. When I was a kid, I had a great father and Father’s Day was all his. It was his day for our family to celebrate and show him how special he was with cards and gifts. When I was a teenager my parents divorced, and how I explain it to other’s is that my father got confused in the divorce and thought that you not only left your wife, but your kids as well. He moved away (to another country actually!) and slowly left our lives, and well basically left my siblings and I fatherless. Don’t worry, this isn’t a sob story about how I don’t have a father – it’s really not as bad as it sounds! Father’s Day became a little different – I really didn’t have one (exactly) anymore so there was nothing for me to celebrate on that day. It was a bit of a sore reminder of what I had lost, but in the end I made peace with it.
Fast forward to years later, and I gained a step father. I feel like step father doesn’t encompass how amazing he really is. I know everyone says this, but my (step) father is the best dad ever. There is really no one better. He always has great advice, he knows how to fix everything on the planet, he treats my brother and sister and I like we are his own, and he has created a real home with my mom that all of us kids love to go back to. I still have their house as “Home” on my caller ID. He is truly the nicest guy on the planet! Really, any of my friends who have ever met him and have spoken to him even for a short time have always commented that he is the nicest guy ever. Oh, and my son pretty much thinks he walks on water and absolutely adores his “Papa”. This person truly made up for all of the years we missed having a dad. We truly lucked out!
Father’s Day took on a new meaning when he came into my life, and then I had someone to buy that coveted Father’s Day card for, and to buy a gift for to show some appreciation for how great he was.
When I got married, there was another father I had to celebrate as well – my husbands. Husbands aren’t the greatest at handling holidays, so I would always help with picking out gifts and cards, and trying to plan visits. Now we had two father’s to take care of in one day, and things were a bit more complicated, but we made it work.
I had a baby. There was a new father! My husband is an amazing father, and he has amazed me with how he has become such great dad. This guy does everything for our son with ease and confidence, and he sometimes he even does it all better than me!
The new problem we have encountered is how do we celebrate Father’s Day with three dad’s in the mix?
I realized about a week ago that this is a bit of a problem. It’s hard to coordinate spending time with everyone on the same day, especially when there are other siblings who want to do something special as well with dad. I also realized as we were planning this all out, my husband was getting shafted. We were trying so hard to figure out what we would do with the other dad’s that we didn’t even consider that it was my husband’s day to be celebrated as well.
This year I told my husband to choose exactly how he wanted to spend Father’s Day. It could be with just my son and I, he could do something on his own, he could do something with my father, or something with his father. We could spend the day doing visits, lunches – whatever he wanted, but the choice was his first. He may be a new father, but the day is about him as well now and appreciating him. Basically I gave him first dibs on choosing how we spend Father’s Day, and we would find a way to visit with and celebrate with the other dad’s once we figured this all out.
After thinking about it, my husband decided that what he really wanted to do that day was keep things very low key and go for a day of riding his motorcycle with both of our dad’s. It’s not even because it’s Father’s Day that he wanted to do this – it’s something he truly wanted to do with the people he wanted to do it with. I think that was the most important thing I realized – I wanted my husband and brand-spanking-new-father to spend the day exactly how he wanted to. It’s just a great bonus he wanted to spend it with the other two important father’s in his life.